unfree shipping

Sup y'all

Repar T here to tell you about unfree shipping.

Hang out on your front porch and wait for the next UPS driver to show up with a package for you and ask them if they do that shit for free.

You know what they’ll say?

From their perspective, it’s pretty damn close to free, because they’re way the fuck underpaid for what they do in all kinds of weather. And most of them have a damn good attitude most of the time.

But the truth is, and this may come as a shock to some of you, but free shipping doesn’t exist. It’s a little psychological plow marketers cooked up for gullible consumers.

There, I’ve let the cat out of the bag, and it just went right back in there. Cats…

That’s why reparTEES uses unfree shipping. reparTEES pays for the shipping so you don’t have yet another fee tacked on to your purchase. Piling on the fees after you’ve made a purchase is something governments do, and nobody like governments, so we don’t do that shit if we can help it.

Do we charge more so we can pay for the shipping?

WTF do you think? Damn right, we do. That’s what everyone who advertises free shipping does. Jeez.

So what’s the difference?

The difference is we don’t assume you’re an idiot and still believe in the free-shipping fairy. We don’t even assume you’re an idiot when you ask questions like that.

Did I just say that?

Tell you what. I’m gonna design a reparTEE just for you. It will say, “I am not an idiot.”

Your pen pal,
Repar T

P.S. If you still can’t wrap your head around this, and insist on free shipping, contact me directly because I’ve got a lot of shit in my basement I need to get rid of, and it’s for sale with free shipping.


photo credits:

Photo by Christian Buehner on Unsplash